We Can’t Be Friends if You Don’t Like My Dog

My guy is a ten-pound Morkie with giant ears and eyes and a sense of loyalty so deep he makes us all feel important.

It is difficult to maintain a relationship with someone who is not interested in pretending to like my dog. Sure, if we are casual pals, then I’ll let you get away with a little anti-dog snobbishness. However, there is a correlation between anti-Winston sentiment and how likely we are to hang out again. I have had some hilarious experiences with people straight up dissing my dog. It is funny because Winston is so sweet and innocuous. He doesn’t bark often, he sleeps a lot and he is obsessed with fetching his pink toy. Winston loves when visitors come over because new people don’t always find Fetch as annoying as I do (we play Fetch A LOT). The fetching game is the first indicator of whether a person is going to stay in our lives. When Winston comes up to you with his pink toy in his mouth and his best puppy dog eyes, do you engage with him or do you push him away? You better believe we notice which choice you make.

Over a year ago, I hung out this guy. Let’s call him Andrew. Andrew came over to my apartment in a foul mood. I don’t remember the circumstance, but I remember feeling responsible for cheering him up. His idea of conversation was to talk about how pets are a waste of resources and humans with spoiled pets are wasteful and bad for the environment. Andrew said: dogs and cats are unhealthy for humans because “codependency” is inevitable in such a relationship. The way he delivered the word

“codependent” was dripping with negativity. I don’t disagree that pets require resources but there are ways to minimize the environmental impact of our pets and we should be aware of them. I still have no idea what to say to the codependency comment. Did he mean unconditional love from a dog is a bad thing? What angle was this guy reaching for? I have no idea. Andrew was mean and his negativity stuck with me longer than our friendship did. Red flag.

It got to the point that whenever
this former friend came over, Winston put
himself Into his crate without prompting.

In another situation, I had a guy in my life who was more low-key about his dislike of Winston. This guy pushed Winston away whenever he got too close. He may not have seen me watching him push my dog away, but I noticed. It was subtle and it happened multiple times. It got to the point that whenever this former friend came over, Winston put himself into his crate without prompting. When I brought this up to my confidant, they said “this guy has got to go.” And he did.

 On a more positive note, the people who stay connected to us are the ones who ask how Winston is doing in text or in person. Whenever I show up somewhere without my tiny dog, my friends ask, “where’s Winston?” They ask because I rarely go anywhere without him but also because this Morkie is so lovable that people genuinely miss him when he is not around. Winston and I are codependent by choice. I do not see our codependency as a bad thing. My day is organized around what I perceive to be his needs. He wakes me up in the morning for snuggles and kisses. I feed him and then we walk anywhere from one to eight kms in the morning. Winston goes back to sleep after morning walk as a hold over from pre-pandemic days. He waits for me to finish work. His best fetching time is following dinner walk. Winston will ask for Fetch from dinner until bedtime which is usually 3-5 hours. This dog will put himself to bed at 10pm. It does not matter where we are. He will find a comfy place, preferably with a fleece blanket, and go to sleep by 10:30pm. At home he sleeps on my bed, at my feet or in the place where my body curves when I am on my side. Everyone has their dog rules and my number one is that we snuggle to sleep.

I did not teach Winston to
respect personal space.

I fall in love with people who do things for Winston without prompting. I am painfully aware of how people react when Winston jumps on their lap. He sees a lap and believes that is where he belongs. I did not teach Winston to respect personal space.  People who do not like dogs are very offended by his lack of self-control. I am embarrassed every time Winston tests boundaries but those who like us do not make me feel any worse than I already do. I also love when people come into our apartment and feed into how

ecstatic Winston is to see us. Bonus points for dancing or engaging with his pink toy upon entry. One way to know that you are in my inner circle is this: have you heard me sing to Winston? If yes, then you have unlocked a high level of Winston & Lizbot friendship. I am at my happiest and most care-free in front of you if you have heard me sing impromptu Winston songs. They are mostly nonsense but the words “cute” and “small” are usually the anchor of my Winston songs.

Bonus points for dancing or engaging
with his pink toy upon entry.

We can’t be friends if you don’t like my dog. I don’t know what the point of hanging out is if you don’t like Winston. You have been warned.  Shout out to all my friends who are kind to my guy.  I appreciate all the people who took care of Winston while I was out of town. You have contributed to his well-adjusted personality and I love you for it. I love to walk Winston but if you offer to walk him, it alleviates a little guilt and a little bit of the pressure I put on myself every single day. At this moment, Winston is fast asleep beside me in a little blue donut bed. He will stay close to me as I work at my desk. Winston’s sense of loyalty is so endearing. I love him and you should too.